Friday, December 25, 2009

Captain's Blog—Christmas

Stardate: Christmas Day

Even captains make mistakes, and so I have to make an awkward confession to make. There we were, zooming through the stratosphere, when we detected a small blip of unidentified nature on the imaging radar. Believing it to be of enemy origin, we launched a warning shot off its starboard bow, and it would have sailed safely past, except the blip made a hard right.

For those of you who previously believed in Santa Claus, you may want to rethink that in the 364 shopping days we have until Christmas rolls around again.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Good News!

Are you sitting down? Are you composed and ready for news? Good!

I am pleased to announce that Magination Press has contacted me about my favorite picture book manuscript, Melba Sue and the Cactus Kid. They would like me to make some revisions and then resubmit it for possible publication.

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

I Married Mr. Perfect

This morning I was meditating on the idea that most women would give anything to be married to Mr. Perfect. In their dearest thoughts, he would always be gentle, funny, caring, protective, conversational, intelligent, and loving. He would never notice any of their faults, and always magnify their strengths. He'd be encouraging and the best companion they could have. If they smashed the family van, he'd laugh it off and say, "That's okay, honey. I never liked that van that much anyway. Why don't you pick out the car of your dreams to replace it."

Now I'll let you in on a little secret: I married Mr. Perfect.

In those times when I'm really struggling, he is there for me. He never let's me down. I never hear an unkind word from him, and he's always cheering for me. It doesn't matter how I look in the morning. He believes I'm beautiful just the way I am. You might say that love is blind, in that case.

But here's another secret. You can marry Mr. Perfect, too.

I'll never forget one of the times Pastor Grace was talking to the ladies at our church. She said that whether you're single or married, you need to be married to Jesus. She was right. When you have the relationship with God's Son that He created you to have, you will be fulfilled in a way that no earthly relationship is able to satisfy you.

But you'll be happier married to Mr. Perfect if you understand his character better. This means you'll have to get rid of some of those goofy religious ideas about him. He doesn't walk around wearing a bathrobe while carrying a lamb in the crook of his arm. He doesn't sing Gregorian chants in Latin as he somberly struts down the streets of gold with never a smile on his lips.

He's got a good sense of humor. (I don't think he's just laughing with us.) He's so smart that he not only knows calculus, physics and chemistry, but he created them. He's fluent in thousands of languages and dialects, and he knows everything about everything, but never comes across as arrogant. He not just capable of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control, but he's made up of them. And he loves us so much he actually died for us, but was raised from the dead so that we could spend eternity with him. Now that's commitment.

So if you have a little free time this Christmas season, give some thought to how awesome it is to be married to Mr. Perfect. (And just in case my earthly husband is reading this, I think he's pretty cool too!)

Friday, December 4, 2009

Captain's Blog—War Zone

Stardate: Black Friday

My mission? To try to eradicate those body snatching aliens who turn mild-mannered individuals into crazed lunatics from the hours of 4 A.M. to 1 P.M. on Black Friday. The timid need not apply for this mission.

Nothing at the academy has prepared me for the shock of Black Friday. As I donned my regulation army boots, fatigues, and a 40 pound pack, I wished for those standard issue gas masks, just in case one of those insane shoppers had tear gas canisters hidden in her tote-disguised-as-a-purse. My first stop was a JMart (names have been changed to protect the innocent), where I did a survey of the interior. Shoppers were packed in like sardines. This was bad, because from what I understand, the snatchers can race from human to human faster than a blue light special, driving them to maniac lengths to obtain the bargain of their desire.

It was near electronics that I made an almost fatal mistake. A wife yelled a message to her husband, who was standing down the aisle about 20 feet. Thinking that she had said, "Bob, they only have one 200 dollar big screen TV left," I relayed the message. Instantly, the eyes of fifty shoppers in my vicinity glazed over, and they made a mad rush for the opening of the department where I was standing. If it hadn't been for the heroic actions of an employee armed with a heavy gage shopping cart who headed them off, I'd have been toast.

Store by store, it was the same. We called for reinforcements, and even they began to wear down as the battle raged on. At last, victory. Our mission accomplished. The body snatching aliens had been driven off for another year, making it safe for mankind to shop once again.

Merry Christmas

P.S. You do know this was totally fiction, right? (Twilight theme here.)