Captain's Blog—Under Fire!

Stardate: Monday

Returned to the facility at 2030 hours on Saturday after accomplishing mission and encountering many bizarre creatures (some determined to consume shoe laces). During my absence the little people had fallen under heavy fire from an alien laundry cruiser. It was threatening to overwhelm them when I arrived on the scene with reinforcements. Have quelled the invasion, but we are wary. When and where will the alien ship strike next?

Captain's Blog—Parts Unknown

Stardate: Thursday

I have been authorized by the admiral to go on a 30 hour reconnaissance mission. I'm grateful for a chance to explore beyond the facility, but the little people are definitely suspicious about my planned absence.

Coded message received by the admiral at 1200 hours:

The melted chocolate ice cream is on top of the refrigerator.

Normal Mom Blog—Where's that dratted captain when you need her?

Today I am tired.

I'm trying to figure out how I came to be so tired on a Monday. I didn't even write this weekend. Last week we had it all together, which was good since it was our first full week of school, and life was smooth. Extra babies and all. We'd kicked into overdrive and I could see the school year unfolding before me, a land of tranquil academic bliss. And then—impact.

I found that during full-fledged teaching I cannot run for 48 hours without studying, grading papers, or doing laundry. (There's also that sleep thing that keeps coming up. A part of me thinks that life would be so much easier if I didn't have to sleep, but the other part of me is pretty sure that there's a good reason God designed us requiring a regular eight hours of it.)

So we just finished the tenth load of laundry, but I might have lost count. It could be number eleven. Since I like to hang ours out on the line, not for reasons green but because I just like to, dry weather is allowing us to run it around the clock. Radioactive fallout is NOTHING compared to laundry fallout when you have two sets of company and a good-sized family. But of course, they're all worth it. Still, you're a little gaspy by the time you deal with it all. And the beauty of getting together for a wedding is that there's so much food that cooking is virtually unnecessary.

And cake rehab won't be necessary. We finally ran out. I considered using a cake patch to alleviate withdrawal, but I was sure it would make even more laundry issues so I'm going cold turkey. I think I'll survive.

Oh, and I almost forgot. More company is coming tomorrow! Let's see, I'm going to have to...

Captain's Blog—Drifting in Space

Okay adults. It's time to use your imagination to cross the time-space continuum and get back to real time Chicago. As a special feature today, we have no stardate. (I suspect that grading advanced math burned out my hyperdrive engines, so I'm probably drifting in space somewhere.)

We had a great weekend. I've never been to a three-day-long wedding. It's worth noting. I'll probably have to go into cake rehab, though, because as with all weddings, there was a lot to begin with and it seemed like even more left over. If Jesus really wanted to feed large crowds of people, I'm surprised He didn't use wedding cake. It seems to multiply on its own, no matter how much of the stuff you give away. However, it probably wouldn't have been a miracle in that case, and it's definitely is not as nutritional as bread and fish. Still, there is something appealing about layers of chocolate with more chocolate and raspberry between them.

It is a known scientific fact that women cannot have too many shoes or too much chocolate. Thus, shoes and chocolate have a lot in common. However, the resemblance pretty much ends there since shoes do not melt when put on your feet and chocolate does.

Can you tell I'm tired of grading papers. One week of school down. 37 to go.

Captain's Blog—Invasion Imminent

Stardate: Thursday

Have received communique from the admiral of the fleet. According to recent reports, a large squadron of relatives is heading for us. They will converge on us Friday at 1400 hours. We are taking measures to secure the facility before invasion, but believe it will be to no avail since at least four of the invaders are under the age of five.

Checked play-dough weapons systems and found them operational.

Captain's Blog—Homing Beacon

Stardate: Monday

To continue from my last post: the little people finally returned. The chocolate brownies were no doubt a homing beacon left there to insure their safe return. Brownies appear to work as an instinctual directional device not unlike those which send geese south in the winter and salmon up-river in the fall.

Ingenious.

In the mean time, I am very proud of the little people on their first day of "school." They did not groan over-much at the rising sun and worked hard.

Captain's Blog—Ominous Silence

Stardate: Saturday

It is strangely silent here today.

At first I thought that perhaps the little people had evacuated the facility for reasons unknown, so I ventured out of the sleeping quarters cautiously. All seemed well until I entered the mess hall. A lonely tray of fresh brownies laced with chocolate chips perched conspicuously on the counter.

An ominous trap. And what of the fate of the little people?

Captain's Blog—It's a Hard Job

Stardate: Thursday

Being the captain is a hard job. When there's a spider on the ceiling, guess who they come to? When they can't find articles of clothing, guess who they come to? When the toilet overflows, guess who they come to?

I realized recently that the admiral of the fleet is evidently so awe-inspiring that the little people rarely approach him for anything, even if the captain is on the phone. Rarely, that is, unless they think they will obtain a more favorable answer, in which case they quickly go over the head of the captain.

(Beware, little people. This only works when communication systems are on the fritz. You could be court-martialed for less.)

Ensign! Where's my chocolate?

Captain's Blog—Shocking Discovery

Stardate: Sunday

High temperatures drove us below ground for the duration, since there is no air conditioning in this facility. The little people think this is a lot of fun since we ended up playing games like Uno, Dutch Blitz, and Mastermind. I held my own, but was shocked to discover that the 8-year-old is suddenly good at games she found challenging before. I'm pretty sure what she has in mind for me.

I'm toast.

Captain's Blog—Study Continues

Stardate: Friday

Rain drove the little people indoors today, looking for something to do. I find they are quite endearing most of the time. The instructional period they call "school" will arrive soon. I plan to study it in detail and report accordingly. I have heard rumors that during this "school" period the little people perform a ceremonial ritual which consists of getting up at an early hour and groaning strangely toward the rising sun.

I wonder if it has anything to do with the approaching meteor shower of the Perseids in mid-August. Hmmm.

Captain's Blog—Withdrawal

Stardate: Wednesday

Banned video games for a day to experiment with effects on the population. The little people took it well and have suffered little withdrawal.

Through consistent use of space and time anomaly called "book" I think the long term effects will be minimal.

Captain's Blog—Drastic Measures

Stardate: Tuesday

Once again, the little people surround me. Relations are becoming strained, however. Have assigned tasks for them to complete, but they lobby for video game training instead. Drastic measures may become necessary.

Am looking for escape pods.

Captain's Blog—Captive!

Stardate: Monday

Arose to find myself on a planet of many little people who have taken me captive. I hear them say the word "mom" frequently when they are around me, and I think it must be their name for me. They routinely make me cook their meals and pick up after them.

Reserves are running low: must have chocolate soon.